Seeking Fulfillment

Thoughts. I have a lot of them. Life goes at a crazy fast pace and I need an outlet to process my daily life. So here I am. And obviously here you are as well as you're reading these words.

This week has been absolutely incredible. Did you know there's a God out there that loves you. Love. What does that really mean? How would you define it? God is love, true love, not the earthly kind we toss around casually on a daily basis. God is love. Comprehend that for a second.

Let me catch you up on the last few months of my life. I graduated high school Captain of the show choir and Salutatorian of my class back in June. Now? No one cares about high school. It's in the past. I'm a fish at A&M and let me tell you, it's a big sea here. There are 49,861 students here in Aggieland, and take my word for it, that's a lot. Enough to get lost and disappear in with ease.

This semester I had my life planned before I even set foot on campus. I would be in a FLO (freshman leadership organization), attend the Gilbert Leadership Conference and teach Sunday School at a local church. It's how I would get plugged in, make awesome friends, have a blast. Boy was I wrong. God shut every single one of those doors and I was left in my dorm room, feeling overwhelmed and lost in the crowd. Sitting in classes of 400 people listening to a prof who doesn't know your name or face, walking in a crowd of people moving a million directions; you're just a face moving down the street for a second, and then you're out of sight as motion continues.

Many Friday nights this semester I've sat right where I'm sitting now-- in my bed. Watching shows on my laptop, scrolling through Facebook, sitting in isolation. Not involved in a group I wasn't making new friends, I didn't have planned group activities where I got to know people and 'network' around the student body. Depressing? Yes it definitely feels like it sometimes. Lame? That's how I felt if someone had known. But boy was it a blessing. A real true blessing.

In high school I took such pride in my singing and dancing show choir talents, in my ability to lead the group, and in my reputation as a leader in my youth group. This semester I've had no where to put my confidence, no where to place my identity, but Christ. He is where my confidence should and now comes from. Christ is my identity. I am Nicole Bartley, child of God. How beautiful is that? I, you, we are children of God.

This week I've been knocked to my knees in adoration of my King. When I let go of my own will and make God's will my own, that is where I will find my delight. This week I have found more delight in the Lord than I have in my entire life. When you seek Him, and His will for your life, real, true blessings are poured out. Everything I thought I needed, everything I wanted, are nothing in comparison to God's plan for my life. This week He blessed me with deciding on an amazing church home: Grace Southwood, an amazing, joyful, Godly girl to fellowship with and confide in, an amazing bible study group to stop and enjoy life with, a beautiful 8 year old girl Aaliyah I get to mentor and share the gospel with this semester, and an amazing major-- Business-- that initially I resisted and avoided with everything I had.

On top of all these blessings I feel abundantly in my life right now God brought Shane and Shane and the Go Now Missions Conference to College Station this week. So. Amazing. Worshiping Wednesday night at Grace Anderson alongside the Shanes I couldn't help but overflow with joy. Listen to these guys: Psalm 13. Blew me out of the water. Such Godly men with a passion for worshipping our King.

I want to encourage you with this verse:
"The Lord is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?" --Psalm 27:1

He will provide for you, and it will be amazing. Pray for His will to be done, so that you may join in on His plan and through prayer gain peace in the Lord's plan and His timing. It's amazing. Truly amazing.

Now that it's 4 in the morning I'll close by saying: They won't always be this long. I just had to catch you up a bit on the past few months of my semester! Yay for writing. Goodnight world wide web.