and if not, He is still good.

I'm curled up in bed on this rainy Monday evening here in Savannah. I've got the windows open as I listen to the raindrops hit the ground. Last night Nellie went to the hospital in the middle of the night. She hadn't felt her baby girl move since yesterday afternoon, and she was fearful she might have passed. I wrote about Nellie in my last blog- we've had word that her placenta isn't fully attached and so her baby hasn't been getting the blood flow or nutrients at the strength required to fuel her, and she hasn't been growing as rapidly as she should. So, last night was a real scare. Nellie is staying a second night at the hospital tonight to remain being monitored and to regulate her fluids. We're honestly not sure if she'll be returning to the Vine or not, the doctors say she might stay at the hospital until the baby is delivered. Her due date is in September, so an early delivery is also likely.

It's been a week let me tell you. For those of you who don't always see the vulnerable side of myself, I'm a crier. Most intense emotions that I feel come out in tears. And let me tell you, I'm shocked I made it all the way to week 5 without a red-faced, glossy-eyed cry in front of the staff. Today was the day. It was too good, right in the middle of the kitchen at lunch time... so all were around. Yesterday was the birthday of one of the other summer missionaries (from Texas, whoop!), and we celebrated with a nice dinner over at one of the full-time staff member's houses. She cooked us a delicious dinner, and we ended up all talking late into the night. Once we started in on Vine stories that could only be hilarious after the fact, we were hooked. It turns out we've come this summer in one of the calmest times, with some of the tamest girls. Some of the stories had me crying I was laughing so hard, and some of them had me jaw-dropped shocked. Pregnant girls with all kinds of crazy backgrounds, let me tell ya, they'll make for some serious stories. Somewhere in the midst of all this, we entered into a discussion on demons and the spiritual realm. Us summer missionaries and our baptist selves were a bit caught off guard and in the dark with a lack of understanding of how all this works. We probably talked for 2 hours about the way demons work, ownership v. oppression, the form they take in Ephesians 6, how to protect yourself and your home from them, and how very unaware of the spiritual realm we are in America. It's a constant battle going on out there and right around us, it really is. The Vine has had girls come in who have dabbled in all kinds of wicked, dark, evil things over the years. Worship and prayer are huge tools against demons and the workings of Satan. The Vine has got worship music playing 24/7, and each day, meeting, and shift begins and ends covering the home, our girls, and staff in prayer. One of the residents who was here a while back told one of our staff members that this was the only place she had ever been (churches and others homes included) that she hadn't been able to call demons into it. Spiritual warfare is no rare thing, it's constant, and to be aware of it and fight it is one of the safest places to be in the midst of it. This whole discussion had me seeing moments and experiences in my life in a whole new light // intimate moments in my life that will always be sensitive, and just had to come out in the kitchen of the Vine during lunchtime. This is a place where the Spirit is alive, and I'm ever grateful for the impact being made here, not only on our residents but on us as the staff as well.

On a lighter and more humorous note, this week was the week for the simulator babies. They need to be fed, they need to have their diaper changed, and they cry... a lot... just like a regular baby. Poor Racquel was walking around like a zombie all weekend. It woke her up every hour the first night and 3 times the second. The baby keeps track of whether or not you support its head when you pick it up, and how quickly you respond to its needs (if you respond). At the end of the simulation Miss Brenda on staff tells you whether you pass or fail. Racquel did amazing from my perspective, and had a good attitude through the whole weekend but still didn't pass. Apparently it's a lot harder than it seems! I've signed myself up for a round this week, I promise to have some sleep-deprived, Mommy // Daughter pics for you all next week. We'll see if I'm ready to be a Mom or not. Racquel has been slipping me tips all day today. We're t-minus 12 days until I leave, so you better believe Racquel is walking every day!! This baby is coming before I leave, we're determined. I'm grateful for the moments of joy in the midst of this week, because Lord knows they were needed!

The rain outside my window tonight reminds me that the Lord washes clean the filth of this world. We sin, we doubt, we turn away, yet still His mercies are new every morning. Still He yields good from our brokenness. We plead for a miracle for Nel, we plead that our Father intercedes and covers baby Jewel in strength and protection, we plead He does a great work here. But if not, He is still good. In the midst of the darkness of this world and the deep pains we can't avoid, He is still good. Pray strongly for a miracle, but pray equally strongly if that is not the Lord's will that He will boldly make Himself known to Nellie, and that she may lean into Him and trust Him with everything while she mourns.

|| With hope and trust, Nicole ||

Halfway Done But Just Getting Started

It's Sunday, July 15th, and I'm sitting here in awe that I'm over halfway finished with my time here at The Living Vine. I really do feel like I'm just dipping my toes into rest of my life. This work, this life investing, every day, hard work has done nothing but affirm my desires to go into relational ministry. Here at the Vine they have this motto: "Here we don't just give a man a fish, we teach them how to fish." It's about enabling them to restore their relationships with their family, to enable them to have a desire within them for Christ, to want something more for themselves and their child. Does this happen in every case? Not completely, but every step is a step. I'm passionate about this fight, about the life investment in these girls.

This week for my blog I want to talk about our 2 girls that are here. Now we can't give out their names or too many personal details, so I'm going to give them pseudo names: Nellie and Raquel. They are both young teenage girls and are working towards getting their GED during their time here. They've both been here a little over a month and a half, and I have loved watching them have real moments of desire and interest in Jesus and His story and scriptures.

Raquel is the more extroverted one, she likes to be around the staff and will take any amount of free time to play games with us: Rummikub and War have been the big ones. I taught her to play ERS (my favorite) and try not to get too competitive against her.... is this how being a parent feels? Do I have to sacrifice my pride in winning to let my kid win every time? Let's just say I haven't lost ERS just yet. :) The Lord has been gracious to Raquel and given her a family that is supportive and drives 1.5 hours weekly to see her during visitation hours every Saturday. She's extroverted but you have to really give great efforts to get her talking. She's got a stone face when she's not interacting with anyone, but there's not much that brings me more joy than breaking a smile on her face. I've learned interacting with her means patience and not worrying which reaction I'll get from her. Her baby girl is due July 17th. The issue here is that I'm leaving July 5th, so I told her we're going to work together to make this baby come before I leave. Walks and more walks she says is how this will happen, we're doing this!

Nellie is much more introverted. She's an artsy one- loves to read and write poetry. She's got these cute headbands she wears over her forehead. She's a tiny little thing and beautiful. Nellie informed us at dinner last night that she's a great rapper. Who knew?? Raquel plays the piano, and Nellie raps, it's my goal to get them to perform for me before I'm out of here! I may have to break out the guitar in return. Nellie has battled real pain in her past // abuse and the death of a brother. She won't talk about any of it, and has good days, and real bad days where she closes herself off from us all. She goes into her world of a book and has moments where she's completely not compliant with anything at the Vine. At Nellie's appointment last week we learned her baby girl is not growing like she should. Her placenta is not attached like it's suppose to be, and her baby is not getting the blood flow and nutrition to the degree she needs. She's due in September but the doctors were not hopeful. My heart aches for Nellie. I've been overjoyed to watch her takes notes on 1 Corinthians 13 at church and come home and study the passage of love even further on her own time (this is a big deal!). I've watched her take interest in all things Christ. I fear that if bad news is coming-- if her baby girl doesn't make it that she won't be able to untangle the pain of this experience with the truth of Christ she's learned here. I'm afraid she will abandon any progress in Christ she has made.

Prayer Needs

*I ask that you join me feverishly in prayer for her baby girl-- Jewel. Pray that the Lord fills her with His own strength, this is better than anything a placenta could transfer to her. Our God is a God of miracles and we pray He showers us with one now! Pray that Nellie comes to know her Lord as a gracious God, a giver of all things good, but a God who is Sovereign and knows and plans things in a way our minds cannot even begin to grasp. I pray Romans 8:28 over our sweet girl, that she can come to know our God as one who brings good from the deepest and darkest of pains here on this earth. Please join with me in prayer!

*I ask you continue to pray for The Living Vine from a marketing and PR perspective. Pray that we become known in our community and in the surrounding states as a place where girls can come and feel safe and known and hear the Word of the Lord spoken over them daily. We pray girls come and trust us. We pray churches trust and help fuel us.

*Pray for the girls who are set to come stay with us within the next week and a half that they come and are willing to abide by our program, that the Lord will do a great work in their life and the life of their babies.

*Pray for me in guidance for my future after my senior year, that the Lord would make clear to me if this is an open door to continue to walk through post-summer.

*Pray over one of the thrift shops- Blessingdales - that supports the Vine monetarily. They've been trying to move locations for a long time to a new and better facility and complication after complication has risen and is making the much needed transition continue to be delayed.

In other news, these girls came to visit this past week for a couple days, and we had a blast playing the tourist role on my off hours:

I got to see this beauty of a sunset up on the beach in South Carolina. Man, I love the trees here in Savannah, but I'm missing those open Texas skies big time.

 Love you guys, I'm praying the peace of the Lord for you and the glory of God from you. Thanks for your continued support!

|| Nicole Bartley ||

The Intangible Fuels the Tangible

I sit here in Gallery Espresso- the same coffee shop as last week in Downtown Savannah. I'm beginning to feel less like a tourist and more like I belong here. I even pet-sat for a woman down the street this weekend, and walking to her house saw Caroline, a woman I met earlier this week. It's feeling like home already.

Last week I wrote of the tangible, of the things in a non-profit, in a ministry that your mind jumps to when you think of said ministry. They are the things that motivate the donations, and ultimately is the end result, the primary goal of the ministry. For the Vine, it's seeing girls in the midst of crisis pregnancies hear the Word of Christ spoken into their lives every day, it's the education a teenage girl should be receiving, it's preparation for the motherhood they're about to embark upon. It's the restoration and the revival in their lives.

This is what inspires me, this is what gets me out of bed every morning. Already this week though, it's so clear to me that there are so many gears and parts that have to be working furiously to make the bike ride smoothly. The duck effortlessly gliding above the water is desperately kicking underneath to stay afloat. The Living Vine takes up to 12 girls at a time, this week we've got 2, and operations are still (and necessarily so, full fledged). The Vine has 16 people on staff currently, 4 of us being summer missionaries. These women perform house management shifts on duty with the girls, work in the office, work in the thrift shops that fund the Vine, perform PR, maintenance, cooking, and creative development duties to name a few. The Vine has a board of directors, and a fundraising team of volunteers called Proverbs 31 that works tirelessly to enable the ministry.

This week I got to spend a day in one of the thrift shops 'Blessingdales' all day sorting clothes and donations from "Mt. Blessing" we call it. This is one of currently 2 large Blessingdales sites where much of the funding for the Vine comes from. These take additional staffing and many volunteers to keep afloat. There was a great love seat for $50 that I was caught sitting on with Emily mid-afternoon. Emily is one of the other summer missionaries here with me from West Virginia. We were busted. It's no easy work being on your feet all day let me tell you! 

Tomorrow I'll spend my whole day making phone calls to different pregnancy centers and clinics in Florida and Alabama to get the word about the Vine out there so that people will know about us and the services we provide in case someone needs to refer a girl to us. The Vine is going through a dry transition period currently. After 18 years of operation, after-care (care after the birth) for the girls has dried up in Savannah. The Vine wants to start up a program, but currently the inflow of the girls has lessened, because there's not a solid place for them to flow out to. The 2 girls I mentioned last week that were suppose to move in last week both backed out for different reasons, and that's a rare occasion. It's discouraging, but these women on staff here are fighters, and are passionate about enduring different seasons and not letting the enemy find defeat in us here.

All of these logistics alongside many more enable the ministry, enable the effortless float on top of the water. The intangible fuels the tangible, and I'm awed by it honestly. As a finance major, I love the logistics, the administration. It's just as important as the life-changing, breakthrough conversation with a girl living within the walls of the Living Vine. It's no small operation occurring here in Savannah.

Prayer

>That the Vine perseveres through this slow period, building strength along the way, and that the Lord is preparing the ministry for seasons ahead.

>Prayer against the schemes of the devil. His deception, lies, and workings are not welcome in our home, and we pray for a shield around the minds of the girls and the staff.

>Praise that good conversation was had concerning forgiveness of the baby daddy for one of our girls. Pray that she is able to persevere in this and find it within herself to forgive.

>Praise that I am able to feel like myself and operate as myself as I fall into a new normal and get to know new people to turn to on a daily basis.

>Pray for unity among the staff, and a continued center on Christ through every detail of ministry.

I spent some of my off time this week reading until the sun went down at Forsyth Park, one of Savannah's many, but most well-known parks. The strength and vastness of the Oak trees left me in awe. Love you guys, thanks for your continued support!

Forsyth Park